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“love means never having to say you are sorry.” The quote may be famous, but we here at wellcast disagree. The ability to pluck off the courage to apologize is one of the most important skills you will learn in life. And it especially becomes handy with the people you love. Of course, apologizing can be terrifying. It’s the kind of thing that you build up into a huge deal, kind of thing you slip over and perhaps continue to put it off. We all do. And this week, we took a few of suggestions from SpiloSpud. We are gonna walk you through that difficult awkward sweating moment when you have to take a deep breath and say “I’m sorry”. It turns out people who are able to bite the bullet and apologize are emotionally healthier than those who can’t. A study done at grand McEwan University in Alberton found that people with low self-esteem feel worse after a conflict and are less likely to apologize for it. On the other hand, there’s a strong correlation between strong self-esteem and the ability to apologize. Here’s one more thing. A university of Illinois study found that people who apologized tend to fare better financially than those who don’t. Are you still putting it off? All right, but just remember what William Shakespeare said, “Cowards die many times before their deaths.” What our Will means here is putting off an apology is a lot more painful than actually apologizing. Let’s get to our four steps.
Pause and print this worksheet at watchwellcast.com.
Step 1, assess the situation. Making this apology is gonna be like climbing a mountain. You want to survey train, and watch out for any big rocks or boulders that are going to be especially hard to get over. So first, on your wellcast worksheet, simply write down the whole story of whatever happened. For example, I came home late one evening after an exhausting day of work, and my roommate was eating my Doritos, I completely blew up at her. She then proceeded to weep for 2 hours.
Step 2, write out your game plan and stick to it. We are big fans of scripting out what we are going to say beforehand here at wellcast. It takes a little bit of the nerves away from actually, you know, doing it. So, on your wellcast worksheet, try writing out a practice apology speech, make sure you hit the following points when you are giving your apology. Acknowledge what you did wrong and take responsibility for it. “hey, I shouldn’t have flipped out, alright? That was a completely unfair and ridiculous response to you eating my Dorito’s.” say a genuine I’m sorry. And don’t temperate with any buts. This means none of these “I am sorry that you felt that way” or “hey I am sorry but you really need to respect my snackfoods.” “hey, don’t go overboard though.” You shouldn’t have to apologize for your whole existence. Just be specific to the actual incident. Don’t try to rationalize your actions, but don’t be afraid of explaining your emotions at the time. Be honest, have you been really stressed out lately? Have you for some reason developed a very emotional attachment to Dorito’s? Ok, as long as you are not using these reasons as justification for your actions, honesty can’t hurt.
Step 3, an apology should be a conversation, not a monologue. Yeah yeah yeah ok, I know I just told you to write down a script, but that can only take you so far. After you say what you’ve prepared, allow them to express their feelings and actually listen. You owe it to them.
Step 4, make amends. So technically the hard part is over, right? You’ve actually broken the ice and said what you’ve wanted to say, they’ve responded. But, you don’t wanna follow in that category of talking to talk and not walking to walk. So, at the end of your worksheet, write down several ways that you are gonna make an effort to change your actions for the better.
Ok, let’s recap wellcasters. Today you’ve learned four steps to getting up the courage to actually give a sincere apology. You learn to assess the situation like a mountaineer. Write out your apology beforehand. Engage in a fruitful conversation with the person to whom you are apologizing and you learn how to keep yourself from making the same mistake again.
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